Monday, 30 November 2015

Quietness and Trust

"When we were children, we used to think that when we were grown up
we would no longer be vulnerable.
But to grow up is to accept vulnerability."

- Madeleine L'Engle -
"Walking on Water: Reflections on Faith and Art"

Today, I feel like a grown up. At least by this definition, and at least for the time being. I promised I would follow up on how my lessons in letting go are working out. I think it's safe to say I'm coming along. I don't dare to declare myself finished but over the last months, since August, things have been tumultuous. Bad news has followed hard on the heels of good, exciting things have turned to ash in our hands, and you know what they say about the best laid schemes of mice and men... And that's just in the small corner of my ordinary life, without taking into account the horrors and harships in the news and embedded in our collective conscience. Without doubt, we are living in difficult times.

But what has really surprised me is how great a superpower vulnerability really is. I am vulnerable. There is a part of me that whispers truth, admits mistakes, releases wrong-turns when the unknown crystallises and rearranges everything. There is a part of me that breaks freely, cries emphatically and heals completely. It's messy and complicated and real. And I'm so amazed that right in the middle of things breaking down on multiple fronts when it feels (maybe melodramatically) like everything is falling apart - I have never felt stronger or truer or more rooted.

I think I'm probably surprised because I live in a culture that celebrates the strong and the finished, the quick and capable. It's hard to remember the truth. And the truth is that I shouldn't be surprised - I've been told all of this before

"This is what the Sovereign LORD...says:
'In repentance and rest is your salvation,
in quietness and trust is your strength'..."
Isaiah 30v15 (AMP)

"He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness'."
2 Corinthians 12v9  

I am living the paradox of strength in weakness, of trust in the unseen and hope in disappointment. And it's uncomfortable and bit terrifying, but on whole it's actually a pretty great place to be.

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